I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Send help, water and tortillas.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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