Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
