but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
