There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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