It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
