go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
