normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize