is your mom at the bar?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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