it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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