I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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