my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
