i think my mom watched the whole time
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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