shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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