On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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