im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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