Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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