Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
