I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
