he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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