You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
