I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
