I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
please come you make the beer taste better
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
