Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He has the fingertips of a God
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