my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
