i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
