this beer tastes like vomit already
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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