We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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