maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
