i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
