I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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