And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
