Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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