Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
