I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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