i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
