So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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