Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
