I got chris browned last night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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