i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she woke up with a sticky ear
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
