you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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