just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
