Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
