The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
