she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
