we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
