There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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