Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
