Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
