Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
