the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
