The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
