whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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