i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
