did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
