the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
