if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
