Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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