Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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