And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
