When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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