i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she woke up with a sticky ear
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
