Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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