I heard we made out
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
