if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
In the future we'll all be gay
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
