I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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