sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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