Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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