is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
