Im at strip club and am horny
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
