Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
