Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
please come you make the beer taste better
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
