Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
