Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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