Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
