The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
