And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
