dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
