he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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