i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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