:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
