vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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