Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
