just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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